Margaret Thatcher

Former UK Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher - AKA The Iron LadyYou might recognise this cold-hearted bitch. Every single right-minded socialist in the United Kingdom wishes she was dead. Those who have an account on Facebook will have signed up as members of the highly popular group, We’ll only pay for a state funeral for Thatcher if she’s buried alive.

She first became widely known in UK politics when appointed to the Conservative front bench in the House of Commons. From this position her true colours came out, advocating the sale of council-owned properties to sitting tenants; an extremely popular policy at the time, fully embraced and pushed for during her later tenure as PM. However, the policy was not particularly beneficial to the wider populace – basically it was madness. Those unable to get a foot on the property ladder found local authorities could no longer provide rented accommodation, waiting lists were years long, unless you were brave – or foolish – enough to accept living on sinkhole estates housing the discarded workers from the grand dismantling of Britain’s heavy industry and mining heritage. Needless to say, such estates were rife with crime and substance abuse, truly frightening places to visit, let alone live. Yes, you probably would be better off with that nouveau-rich slum landlord – there’s more chance of recovering from necrotizing fasciitus than a cranial pick-axe infection.

To many, and vilified as such in the press, her term as Education Secretary saw the moniker, “Thatcher, the Milk Snatcher” hung around her neck. Despite the publicity of the political faux-pas leading to this, she went to the top of the Conservative party, and become Prime Minister. Sometime around this transition her nickname became “The Iron Lady“, she was seen as a fellow free-marketeer and close ally of the US President who called soldiers’ uniforms “costumes“, the – thankfully – late Ronald Reagan. The pair championed ‘trickle-down economics’, while glossing over the fact that on both sides of the Atlantic the gap between the rich and poor was widening at an accelerating rate. If anything was trickling down, it was the grade-A bullshit this dynamic duo’s policies were liberally coated in.

Like all scheming scumbags, she found a route out of waning popularity by organising a Jolly Good War. Tens of thousands of British troops were dispatched to the South Atlantic to rescue the inhabitants of a bleak and miserable bunch of islands the really stupid Argentinian military junta – previously well-armed by the Brits and French – invaded. Yes, to many Thatcher secured her place in the history books by spending millions of pounds liberating the sheep of the Falklands, and their common-law husbands who smelled faintly of elderberries.

And her offspring? Twins Carol and Mark were born prematurely by cesarian section while their father, Dennis was sensibly elsewhere watching a cricket match. Mark Thatcher spend time as a delinquent playboy before becoming an arms-deal facilitator who cosied up to the House of Saud and arranged a number of lucrative deals to arm the country. He later went on to get caught financing and arming a planned coup in Equitorial Guinea.

Carol is a journalist, and one-time reality TV star. Her appearance on I’m a Celebrity..Get Me out of Here proved the astounding lengths people who go on these shows are prepared to go to. Probing the true abyss of desperation for fame, she munched down bugs from the jungle and fresh kangaroo gonads – Yummy! An astoundingly thoughtless comment off-camera ended with her losing her job with the BBC, it just isn’t the done thing anymore to call someone a ‘golliwog’.

So it would seem that a requsition should be filed for three of those soft-nosed bullets, not just the one initially anticipated.

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